Kaganista

Back from a brief hiatus, Capitol Hillywood will now be focusing more on style and culture. And we're now 50 cents cheaper than Us Weekly. The thing that Capitol Hillywood lacks that the celebrity rags have in abundance is comparisons of starlets' outfits and fashion policing. Let's start with an analysis of Elena Kagan's Supreme Court confirmation hearing ensemble.

Kagan has been making efforts to portray herself as neutral, but it hasn't been easy with Senate Republicans trumping up her liberal credentials. But she's trying so hard to steer clear of labeling herself as progressive that she might have gone a bit too far in the opposite direction, and tried to align herself with a conservative icon.


So what do you think? Cast your vote for who you think wore it better.

Rihannamo Bay

Rihanna is without question one of the most boring and uninspired entertainers in recent memory. She is so bland in fact that she must resort to copying other musicians (did you see the "Rude Boy" video, starring M.I.A.?) and deflated attempts at shock value. Her newest thing is that she's really "tough," which translates to "wears a lot of military fashion, most of which is ripped off from Lady Gaga videos."

I have a few problems with Rihanna's style, beyond just the idiocy of the garments themselves.

1. She's in a vaguely Arab location. Iraq? Afghanistan? Doesn't really matter. In Rhiannaland, war is an abstract concept that doesn't exist in actuality. Maybe there are major combat operations, to use a phrase, happening somewhere in the Middle East. Perhaps several thousand men and women will be shipped there in the coming months. But why dwell on these details? Just tell the set dresser to make the environment look generally threatening and non-American.


2. She behaves like a take-charge female who can intimidate and order around soldiers, but only because she's not wearing pants/covered in mud. I'm all for women being sexy and in charge and kicking ass while barely dressed. Own your sexuality and all of that, that's great. But Rihanna playing Army Barbie looks so comical that it doesn't really project any positive messages. She looks a little too desperate and attention-starved to be role modeling strong, tough girl attitude. I'm also fairly certain that Rihanna and other military fashion offenders are the reason why women and gays are not taken seriously in the armed forces. America's top generals are horrified at the thought of glitter uniforms and Sex and the City-style conversations about feelings. (By the way, I love the phallic tank symbolism.)

3. She non-ironically compares her love life to a military prison or internment camp. This is where I stop getting annoyed and start getting offended. Who the hell is Rihanna's art director, and why have they not been fired yet? I'll admit, I can sometimes be a bit much for the political correctness, but it's difficult to not see this as insulting. We're living in a climate of political torture and war, and to make light of those issues is ignorant and degrading. This is a post-Holocaust, post-Abu Ghriab, post-Guantanamo era, and this is real. It's happening all the time, and it's not sexy. It's not theatrical. It's certainly not appropriate for a pop music video. Same goes for all the runway designers who choose "military" or "war prisoner" as the theme for their collections.

O'Reilled Up

It seems that Fox News is pissed off again. An episode of Sesame Street that aired 2 years ago and seemingly poked fun at the network was rebroadcast recently. Sesame Street has long featured Oscar the Grouch and assorted muppet news anchors on the "Grouch News Network," or GNN. In this particular episode, however, a muppet viewer calls in to complain that she will no longer watch GNN because it's not as trashy as the Pox News network. Naturally, a remark like this could shatter the ironclad reputation of Fox News, and send its' ratings as the number 1 watched news channel plummeting into oblivion. Plus Bill O'Reilly's feelings were hurt.

Bill O'Reilly saying that he has to "get involved" in a Sesame Street debate is one of the best things I've ever seen. He was basically defending the honor of his network, and claiming discrimination while completely ignoring the fact that CNN was also being mocked, and that he was talking to a muppet. Also entertaining is contrasting this with every other guest appearance, ever, on The O'Reilly Factor, and realize that he treated a puppet with more respect than any other guest he's had on his show.

And the Oscar goes to...

By some absurd twist of fate, or maybe just some really clever scheduling, the Iraqi elections and the Oscars perfectly coincided. Just imagine, two mind-blowingly important voting sprees in the same day! The only difference is that one was plagued by explosions that impacted voter turnout, while the only bombs on the red carpet were fashion related. Actually, there are a few more differences. The Oscars have come and gone, the winners have been chosen, and the water cooler talk has pretty much died down, though I imagine that Netflix will have a great weekend.
Meanwhile, the Iraqi election rages on and the Prime Minister has yet to be chosen. The results are still on lockdown, and officials are not calling the election in favor of either incumbent Nuri Kamal al-Maliki or former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi. Even today, the results of the parliamentary election are not fully conclusive.

Many American officials and Iraqi citizens are frustrated at the slow tallying. There have been accusations of fraud, and all in all tempers are flared. Which is pretty understandable when you live in a country that hasn't ever experienced fully realized free elections and voting carries the possibility of death. The fact that Iraqis were willing to go to the polls despite trading bullets for ballots is a testament to a dedication that can only be equaled by the viewers that increased the Oscars' ratings by 14% from last year.
Speaking of which, I'm sure you're tired of all the fashianalysis of Best and Worst Dressed from the Academy Awards, and besides, it's so rare for election coverage to focus on what the voters are wearing. With that, I present a "Who Wore It Better" moment for the Iraqi election. And the hot accessory that everyone's talking about? Why, a purple finger of course!

NY Times reader who submitted a photo

Incumbent al-Maliki

Dude in Fallujah

And as a side note, if I may take something that has absolutely no political significance and politicize it, I would like to discuss the place of the film The Blind Side at the Oscars. It's not customary for me to get all worked up about shit like that, but I can not abide Sandra Bullock winning an Oscar for a film (a film that was also nominated for Best Picture) that was arguably more racist and idiotic than her racist and idiotic character in Crash. It is insulting, firstly, that a ghetto-colonialist, patronizing white hero piece of fuck movie got so much return at the box office. It's disgusting that that sack of shit movie got nominated for anything other than an epic fail of displaying values, or perhaps Best Picture That Makes Ignorant White People Feel Great About Themselves. That's all.

Unbreak My Heart: Part II

CNN has created a series called "Broken Government", which documents dissatisfaction with the two party system, taxes, Congress and more by asking the question, "Is government broken?" This leads me to ask a few more questions. What the hell does broken mean? Is the news broken? Is CNN broken? Will my TV screen be broken when I inevitably shove my foot through it after watching this inane series?

The stupidest part of this question is that implies that government in the U.S. was once whole and has since fallen into disrepair. Now, I'm not disillusioned. I don't think that today's politics are so much better than they once were. But the issues being explored in this series are nothing new. CNN is playing into one of the main problems of this generation- the complete lack of hindsight or foresight. Are things bad now? Yes. But things have always sucked, and they will continue to suck, on and on and on in an endless cycle of suck. I can't imagine that American citizens in 1910 were much friendlier toward Congress then us schmucks in 2010.

Oh, and by the way Broken America...nice logo. Subtle.

Everything that is wrong with how the news is reported.

Right here.

Unbreak My Heart: Part I

Something happened to Dick Cheney.

OMG.

NO WAY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I don't really know how this is surprising to anyone. Everyone knows that Dick Cheney's heart has never been in the best of health (I'll spare everyone the typical 'I didn't know he even had a heart, har har har' spiel). And even if you had forgotten what the rushing thrill of hearing about Cheney's misfortunes feels like, every single news source was on the alert to remind us all of his detailed and storied health history. This could be mildly interesting or important if Dick Cheney was still in office and not chilling out in his homes in Maryland and Wyoming and calling former President Bush a wuss in his spare time.