Unbreak My Heart: Part II

CNN has created a series called "Broken Government", which documents dissatisfaction with the two party system, taxes, Congress and more by asking the question, "Is government broken?" This leads me to ask a few more questions. What the hell does broken mean? Is the news broken? Is CNN broken? Will my TV screen be broken when I inevitably shove my foot through it after watching this inane series?

The stupidest part of this question is that implies that government in the U.S. was once whole and has since fallen into disrepair. Now, I'm not disillusioned. I don't think that today's politics are so much better than they once were. But the issues being explored in this series are nothing new. CNN is playing into one of the main problems of this generation- the complete lack of hindsight or foresight. Are things bad now? Yes. But things have always sucked, and they will continue to suck, on and on and on in an endless cycle of suck. I can't imagine that American citizens in 1910 were much friendlier toward Congress then us schmucks in 2010.

Oh, and by the way Broken America...nice logo. Subtle.

Everything that is wrong with how the news is reported.

Right here.

Unbreak My Heart: Part I

Something happened to Dick Cheney.

OMG.

NO WAY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I don't really know how this is surprising to anyone. Everyone knows that Dick Cheney's heart has never been in the best of health (I'll spare everyone the typical 'I didn't know he even had a heart, har har har' spiel). And even if you had forgotten what the rushing thrill of hearing about Cheney's misfortunes feels like, every single news source was on the alert to remind us all of his detailed and storied health history. This could be mildly interesting or important if Dick Cheney was still in office and not chilling out in his homes in Maryland and Wyoming and calling former President Bush a wuss in his spare time.

Screen Shot of the Day

About time that the Dalai Lama finally realizes what's important: de-throned sports celebrities and social networking.

Anthrax: the other white powder

And now, for your reading pleasure, a somewhat delightful what the hell moment. Remember anthrax? From back in the day? It was that suspicious dangerous white powder that was sent through the postal system, killing 5 people and hospitalizing 17 others. This was shortly following 9/11, so it caused panic of a second wave of attacks, and both Afghanistan and Iraq were thought to be the culprit. The United States Postal Service heightened their biohazard detection systems, the US government began to take biological warfare in the wake of 9/11 more seriously, but in the public mind the whole scandal was largely forgotten. In June 2008, the FBI was investigating Bruce E. Ivins, an Army scientist who helped create an anthrax vaccine program. Ivins committed suicide before charges could be brought against him, but not before investigators determined that he created the whole scare to direct attention to his vaccine program, and the encoded messages in the letter were about his 2 female coworkers with whom he was obsessed. The case is officially closed, and bizarre.

I smell a movie. My pick to play Ivins is Gerard Butler, with Matt Damon as special FBI investigator Walter "Walt" Wallace.

Shaun Bless America

Ah, yes, we have our priorities straight. The past three days have held some of the most important developments in the entire eight years of the Afghan war. Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, the Taliban's Number Two only to Mullah Mohammed Omar, was captured and is currently being detained and questioned by both American and Pakistani officials. (For the record, "mullah" is an Islamic term given to a man of education and respect, and does not necessarily have implications of the Taliban, terrorism, or extremism.) His capture may have led to information leading to the capture of two "shadow governors," important Taliban leaders who have helped northern Afghanistan remain an insurgency stronghold. This is a significant breakthrough in what has mostly been a frustrating and interminable war.

But the Olympics are on! Ruthless, terrorist mullahs say what? Shadow governors who now? I'm much more concerned with how Shaun White remains aerodynamic with those glorious, glorious locks of his. Besides, an American flag backdropped against the snow makes a much better above-the-fold visual than a Pakistani interrogation room.

Come to Your Census

I'll admit it, I'm one of those dumb bitches who watches the Super Bowl just for the ads. I usually put the game on mute and sit back and enjoy being expertly manipulated by media corporations. So when I heard, via an article in the Washington Post, that the Census Bureau was making a Super Bowl commercial, I was skeptical but optimistic. Super Bowl ads are always a bit hit or miss, but at $2.5 million a pop, how bad could it really be? I saw one of the commercials a few days before the Super Bowl, and then the part II of the series when it aired. I thought that maybe I missed something, or that all the promised additional online content would give me more, so I hopped on the Youtube channel to check out the other videos. But I was left with the same questions as before. Wait, like, what? We're spending $2oo million more than the 2000 census? People still don't know what the census is? John McCain has a Twitter?

According to a story in the NY Times, some of the additional costs are related to the census being distributed in 28 languages, as opposed to 17 in 2000, which can only be a good thing. Advertising is being more specifically targeted in multiple languages, which is also a good thing. But why is the census more important and worth more spending this year than previous years? Maybe the government is trying to go out with a bang before 2012 hits us.

So take a look at the ad that aired during the Super Bowl. The most annoying thing about it isn't that Christopher Guest shockingly agreed to direct this, or even the stereotypically cast sassy black woman saying, "Mmm-hmmmmm." It's that the commercial doesn't say much about the census, other than "it exists." The census is a "snapshot of America, 300 million people all at the same time"? Last I checked, the census was most basically a tool to determine the US population for the purposes of taxation and governmental representation. It also serves to show the various demographics of the population, both in the country as a whole, and by state, region, city, etc. (By the way, the census is officially broken down into the regions of Northeast, Midwest, South and West).

But the ad doesn't say any of that. The additional online content, including a Facebook fan page and "behind the scenes" footage is even more disappointing and irrelevant, not to mention not very funny for Christopher Guest's standards. There is just a complete lack of solid information being presented. The ad doesn't even contain an admonition to remember to return the damn thing on time. I understand where the Census Bureau is coming from with this campaign, and it is noble that they attempted to make the public more aware of the census. But really, shouldn't this be something that is remedied through public education? Basic US government classes in middle and high schools should be explaining the census, and that message should be sticking with kids into adulthood. If they still choose to not partake in the census, a cast of colorful characters in a mockumentary (and a mock one, at that) is not going to do much to change their minds.